The surprising Facebook status

While chatting with my sister Lynn yesterday, we were discussing love and all the craziness that goes with it. I came up with this conclusion that I ended up posting in my Facebook profile. Surprisingly, a lot of people responded to it, so I thought, "why not post it here in The Love Knot?"

I call it my surprising Facebook status simply because I surely did not expect such a reaction and re-posting from people I know.

And here it is, in my exact words:

At the end of the day, you love a person entirely, including but not limited to their flaws, warts, weaknesses, outbursts, silences, temper tantrums, etc. Love isn't a menu where you can pick and choose what you love. You either choose to love or not.

Killer break-up line #3: "It's not you, it's me"

This break-up line is a mystery to me, I admit. What exactly is the person saying? Whoever says this line is assuming responsibility and/or blame for the break-up, that much is clear. But beyond that, it's as clear as mud. Once again, it's supposed to spare the dumped the misery of being dumped. But does it, really?

It's a killer line because: It doesn't really tell you anything. It doesn't explain anything. Most of the time, people who use this line don't even want to give you a reason or an explanation. Thus, the extremely vague "it's not you, it's me".

Can't sleep: the mystery of love and sleep deprivation

Out of nowhere, I got to wondering why people can't sleep when they're falling in love.

There's a saying that seems to explain this: "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

That sounds like a good explanation to me.

Yet how come when one falls out of love, a person can't sleep too? Ask anyone who experienced heartbreak. They'll be quick to tell you how they can't sleep properly after breaking up with someone.

Perhaps in cases of break-up induced sleepless nights, my sister Lynn is right on target, "...reality can be worse than your nightmares in the same way that truth can be stranger than fiction."

"Golden Girls" vs. "Sex and the City"

Ever heard of "Golden Girls"? How about "Sex and the City"?

Of course you have.

Check out how these shows were compared here.

Killer break-up line #2: "I don't deserve you"

Here's a heck of a break-up line. Notice how psychological it is? It reflects the dumper's level of self-esteem and also reflects how they view you. Whoever came up with this a long time ago was pretty good. On one point, it's a dumping line, yet it's designed to make you feel good about yourself.

It's a killer line because: Sure, that line sounds quite self-deprecating. As if the person's belittling themselves. As if your dumper has such a low opinion of himself/herself that there's no other option, but to let you go. As if you were the better person who deserves someone waaay better than your dumper. The funny thing is, it can go both ways. Whether you think highly or lowly of yourself, you can use this line and pull it off with no one the wiser. Thus, "I don't deserve you."

"Yes, you doooo!" *cry*

Forget it. The person's already moved on to someone else they think they deserve. Sometimes, there's the unspoken bit after "I don't deserve you."

"I deserve someone hella better than you."

Killer break-up line #1: "I don't think this is working out."

Let's start this "Killer break-up lines" series with: "I don't think this is working out".

When someone says, "I don't think this is working out", it's possible that the other person is thinking, "but I think this is working out."

If you're like any other person, when you hear that something is not working out, your inclination is...let's say it out loud...to work it out. Doesn't that seem logical? It's surely logical to me.

So you'll try to argue in favor of the relationship. You'll highlight the good times and state the strengths of your relationship. Which may or may not work.

It's a killer line because: It gives the soon-to-be-dumped a bit of hope that things can be worked out. Especially if the STBD (soon-to-be-dumped) is the sort who takes to challenges like a duck to water. A relationship stops working out when one gives up on it. As I've said before (and I'll say it again), it takes two to make or break a relationship. In this case, it's not working out because one of them decided enough was enough.

"B-b-b-but maybe we didn't try hard enough!"

No can do. When someone's decided to go, they're out the door. It doesn't matter how hard you try. In this case, it's really them, not you.

Better a dumper than the dumped?

A friend of mine told me that lately, "better a dumper than the dumped". "Why so?", I asked him. "How do you know when she wants to dump you?" "Well, I just know."

The rest of the conversation was just a discussion on how stupid I thought it was. In his desire to act quick just so he doesn't become the dumped, he dumped a girl he's in a perfectly good relationship with. I mean, I'd understand if the writing was on the wall that spelled out the demise of their relationship. But there wasn't. What if it was simply paranoia that kicked in? Or what if it was the green-eyed monster that reared its ugly head?

Before dumping someone, make sure you're reading the signs correctly. You wouldn't want to lose a good relationship based on assumptions, guesses and what-have-yous that have no basis in reality.

The need to talk: is it a girl or a guy thing?

Hands down, I say it's a girl thing. I know, I know, it's so sexist. Such a dated concept. After all, there are men who are communicative with their partners, right? RIGHT? Sure there are. But the thing is, there are still more women than men who do the talking. So there.

Why is this so? Are women meant to feel irritated, annoyed, frustrated, etcetera with their partners who refuse to speak and talk about how they feel forever and ever?

Sadly, I'd say yes. However, hope is not lost.

If you're with someone who is not quite the talker, here are some things you can keep in mind.

Accept this: he will never talk as much as you do. Once you've accepted that, then it'll be easier for the two of you. I know how easy it is to talk a mile per minute, but guys aren't really programmed for that. Especially when they need to talk about...heaven forbid...their feelings. Whoever came up with the saying, "actions speak louder than words" must definitely be a guy. Because it sounds exactly what a guy would do. They'd show their love through actions. So ladies, pay serious attention to the actions of your man.

Give him the chance to talk. Sometimes, our guys don't talk simply because they can't. There's no lull in the conversation for them to contribute their own words of wisdom. So this will sound really rude, but shut up. Not just when you're trying to give him the cold shoulder. Remember, not a lot of people are comfortable with silence. If you keep quiet sometimes, then he'll rise up to the occasion to fill in the silence. He'll talk. You'd be surprised at the things he'll talk about.

Don't take it personally. Some guys will share their insights. Sometimes you'd feel affronted or even attacked. Unless you two have some simmering hostility going on, it's not about you. What's more, you wanted him to talk. Listen and keep in mind, he's allowing you to know what goes on in his mind.

Even if the need to talk is a girl thing, you can get your guy to talk. Just leave the marathon chats with your girl friends. They'll be more suited and better equipped to handle that.

"We need to talk"

When you're in a relationship, nothing brings chills running up and down one's spine than to hear these four words. Here you are, thinking your relationship is going great. Then one day...BAM!

"We need to talk."

Because it means trouble. It's the kiss of death. Most of the time anyway. I can't think of a situation when that line yielded good results. Interesting though, most of that time, it's the women who utters it. It's the usual intro to a relationship talk. Honestly, it could be a signal of the beginning of the end.

Of course, what you'll talk about might be something innocent. It doesn't necessarily signal the end of a beautiful relationship. Then again, it might.

What are you supposed to do?

Brace yourself. Seriously. Cross your fingers that it's nothing life-changing. Hope to high heavens that someone's simply having a bad day and needing to vent so badly. Otherwise, you're in for a long talk.

Killer break-up lines

Breaking up is never easy, as we all know. Tears, heartache, pain...all too familiar when you've had your heart broken. At some point, a healthy dose of sense of humor will help you pull through.

Have you had your heart broken over and over again? If yes, then watch out...coming soon...blog posts on killer break-up lines!

Thanks to a guy friend for giving me the idea to blog about this topic.

Yeah, I call them "killer break-up lines" because whoever came up with these lines ought to be dragged out into the street and shot. Well, not really shot shot. That's too violent. Maybe bopped in the head. Because honestly, these lines do absolutely nothing to make the break-up easier.

And you, our dear readers, are more than welcome to share break-up lines you've heard in your lifetime.