How your flirting style affects your relationship

According to a new study conducted by Jeffrey Hall, an assistant professor in communication studies at the University of Kansas, along with eHarmony’s senior director of research Steve Carter, the way you flirt will have an impact on whether or not your relationship will last. Acoording to the study,

The traditional flirts let the man be the initiator and the women play the more demure, coy, passive role. They gravitate toward more “intimate” dating settings, Hall told Reuters.

Physical flirts tend to be forward and direct in communicating their sexual attraction. Their relationships often progress quickly and are generally characterized by a strong emotional and physical connection, according to Hall.

Sincere flirts are genuine in expressing their romantic interest in another person, and polite flirts are chivalrous or coquettish towards the objects of their affection.

But playful flirts, says Hall, are flirting primarily because they like the game and they want to bolster their own self-confidence. And they tend to fail at making serious, long-term relationships work, he said.

While it would be very interesting to have what seems to be an answer that can help demystify relationships, we’d have to disagree with this one. The way you flirt really isn’t the ultimate reflection of your personality, and there are a whole lot of other factors that can make or break a relationship, after all, starting with how well you two truly get along and communicate.

So you two just broke up…

and he wants you back. What now?

Time apart is healthy for any relationship. It gives you the chance to appreciate each other. Sometimes, time apart makes a person realize that they REALLY want to be with the person they broke up with. What do you do if your dumper wants you back?

Don’t let pride get in the way of you getting back together with him. Of course you got hurt big time. In fact, you’re probably still hurting. Truth be told, that’s part of loving someone. Things do not always come up roses and chocolates. Pride has its place under the sun, but in relationships, it can be tricky. Relationships are never easy, but only you can determine what your relationship with the other person was worth. Only you can tell if it’s still worth anything to you now.

However, if you truly do not want anything to do with him, if the mere thought of him makes you want to vomit, or if you’d rather jump out the window or even a bridge than be with him, then by all means, stay away. You two broke up anyway, so disappearing from his life shouldn’t be a problem. If you simply need time to sort things out, then tell him that too. Let him know that when you’re ready to talk, you’ll let him know.

You need time to think things through. If, after all that thinking things through, you still don’t want him back truly and honestly, then that, my dear, is the final answer.

Killer break-up line #3: "You’ve become like a sister/brother to me"

On one point, this break-up line has a certain brilliance to it. For starters, why would you want to be with someone whose feelings for you have changed from romantic to familial? What’s more, it’s got the “ewww!” factor. The last thing you both need is this kinda, sorta incestuous thing of sorts, even if it’s just a feeling. Of course, what choice is there but to break up?

It’s a killer line because: how can you argue with this when there’s no more passion for you?

The surprising Facebook status

While chatting with my sister Lynn yesterday, we were discussing love and all the craziness that goes with it. I came up with this conclusion that I ended up posting in my Facebook profile. Surprisingly, a lot of people responded to it, so I thought, “why not post it here in The Love Knot?”

I call it my surprising Facebook status simply because I surely did not expect such a reaction and re-posting from people I know.

And here it is, in my exact words:

At the end of the day, you love a person entirely, including but not limited to their flaws, warts, weaknesses, outbursts, silences, temper tantrums, etc. Love isn’t a menu where you can pick and choose what you love. You either choose to love or not.

Killer break-up line #3: "It’s not you, it’s me"

This break-up line is a mystery to me, I admit. What exactly is the person saying? Whoever says this line is assuming responsibility and/or blame for the break-up, that much is clear. But beyond that, it’s as clear as mud. Once again, it’s supposed to spare the dumped the misery of being dumped. But does it, really?

It’s a killer line because: It doesn’t really tell you anything. It doesn’t explain anything. Most of the time, people who use this line don’t even want to give you a reason or an explanation. Thus, the extremely vague “it’s not you, it’s me”.

Can’t sleep: the mystery of love and sleep deprivation

Out of nowhere, I got to wondering why people can’t sleep when they’re falling in love.

There’s a saying that seems to explain this: “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

That sounds like a good explanation to me.

Yet how come when one falls out of love, a person can’t sleep too? Ask anyone who experienced heartbreak. They’ll be quick to tell you how they can’t sleep properly after breaking up with someone.

Perhaps in cases of break-up induced sleepless nights, my sister Lynn is right on target, “…reality can be worse than your nightmares in the same way that truth can be stranger than fiction.”

"Golden Girls" vs. "Sex and the City"

Ever heard of “Golden Girls”? How about “Sex and the City”?

Of course you have.

Check out how these shows were compared here.

Killer break-up line #2: "I don’t deserve you"

Here’s a heck of a break-up line. Notice how psychological it is? It reflects the dumper’s level of self-esteem and also reflects how they view you. Whoever came up with this a long time ago was pretty good. On one point, it’s a dumping line, yet it’s designed to make you feel good about yourself.

It’s a killer line because: Sure, that line sounds quite self-deprecating. As if the person’s belittling themselves. As if your dumper has such a low opinion of himself/herself that there’s no other option, but to let you go. As if you were the better person who deserves someone waaay better than your dumper. The funny thing is, it can go both ways. Whether you think highly or lowly of yourself, you can use this line and pull it off with no one the wiser. Thus, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Yes, you doooo!” *cry*

Forget it. The person’s already moved on to someone else they think they deserve. Sometimes, there’s the unspoken bit after “I don’t deserve you.”

“I deserve someone hella better than you.”

Killer break-up line #1: "I don’t think this is working out."

Let’s start the “Killer break-up lines” series with: “I don’t think this is working out“.

When someone says, “I don’t think this is working out”, it’s possible that the other person is thinking, “but I think this is working out.”

If you’re like any other person, when you hear that something is not working out, your inclination is…let’s say it out loud…to work it out. Doesn’t that seem logical? It’s surely logical to me.

So you’ll try to argue in favor of the relationship. You’ll highlight the good times and state the strengths of your relationship. Which may or may not work.

It’s a killer line because: It gives the soon-to-be-dumped a bit of hope that things can be worked out. Especially if the STBD (soon-to-be-dumped) is the sort who takes to challenges like a duck to water. A relationship stops working out when one gives up on it. As I’ve said before (and I’ll say it again), it takes two to make or break a relationship. In this case, it’s not working out because one of them decided enough was enough.

“B-b-b-but maybe we didn’t try hard enough!”

No can do. When someone’s decided to go, they’re out the door. It doesn’t matter how hard you try. In this case, it’s really them, not you.

Better a dumper than the dumped?

A friend of mine told me that lately, “better a dumper than the dumped”. “Why so?”, I asked him. “How do you know when she wants to dump you?” “Well, I just know.”

The rest of the conversation was just a discussion on how stupid I thought it was. In his desire to act quick just so he doesn’t become the dumped, he dumped a girl he’s in a perfectly good relationship with. I mean, I’d understand if the writing was on the wall that spelled out the demise of their relationship. But there wasn’t. What if it was simply paranoia that kicked in? Or what if it was the green-eyed monster that reared its ugly head?

Before dumping someone, make sure you’re reading the signs correctly. You wouldn’t want to lose a good relationship based on assumptions, guesses and what-have-yous that have no basis in reality.